chug from your porcelain milk bucket

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

So @star-anise as an account A Lot to deal with these days. I have a lot of old text posts on contentious topics (feminism, queerness, bisexuality, mental health etc) and a routine part of my week is seeing really hateful people popping up in my notes. I block them when I can, but it’s a perpetual game of whack-a-mole. I don’t want to delete my blog, though, or make my posts hard to access at their usual URLs, or completely lose touch with it.

Therefore: I’m going to do a lot of my blogging for now out of @beyondthisdarkhouse (or my fannish sideblog for The Untamed/The Old Guard/Murderbot/Zen Cho, @with-my-murder-flute). My askbox is going to stay closed for a bit and I’m going to be slower and more thoughtful about what I post here.

I never did and never will provide therapy via Tumblr, but but if you’re looking for support, I’d suggest finding a local mental health or crisis line if you need to talk or if you want to know where to access affordable counselling near you, or trying Scarleteen for questions about sexuality and gender.

Pinned Post staranise original this message will self-repeat
churchyardgrim
hyperparasitoid

landlords arent bad because theyre “lazy” or “parasites”, theyre bad because they take advantage of poverty and manipulate housing availability for financial gain. you people have GOT to stop framing your critiques of the bourgeoise the same way eugenicists talk about the disabled

agentumbls

I was going to sneakily reply to this with “but they’re also parasites” but

I did some introspection and you’re right. While landlords do suck up value without giving any back, the idea that every individual needs to “contribute something” to capital is an inherently manufactured take.

What should be criticized is the coercive nature of the transaction between rentiers and their tenants; the artificial scarcity employed to maintain the power imbalance between the landed and those without; an ideal world is not one where we retributively attack the gentry but find a way to make them irrelevant.

ericvilas

Framing landlords as “they’re bad bc they’re lazy parasites” actually opens you up to further attacks! Several are in fact not lazy, they sometimes do stuff like act as professional middlepeople (“something is broken, it is their job to find someone else who will fix it”). And so they might say “actually, managing property is quite a bit of work therefore landlords aren’t all useless, just the bad ones, therefore we deserve to exist, ha!”

But that’s not the point! The point is that they manipulate a massively necessary need (housing) for their own gain, raising prices while threatening people with homelessness! That’s what’s bad, not the fact that they’re “lazy”. You could have the most hardworking landlord in the world, and it would still contribute to harm.

star-anise

If you rent, you probably think of your “landlord” as the person who collects rent, organizes repairs, and evicts people from the place you live in. They have all the power. For many people, getting rid of landlords means owning the place you live in and arranging your own repairs.

That works for single-family structures, sure… but that’s the model of housing that contributes to urban sprawl, car use, and the disappearance of wilderness and agricultural land. Environmentally, it’s better for us to create high-density urban areas that are walkable or efficiently served by mass public transit.

But that means multi-family buildings, where problems aren’t usually localized to a single apartment. It isn’t just my roof that leaks, it’s our roof that leaks. Into the floors below us. Some entity has to act for the building as a whole.

(Single-family housing is also less financially accessible to people like me. Being disabled, I can’t shovel my own snow nor afford to pay the full price of someone making the trip to my house and shovelling it every morning for me. I can afford to live in an apartment that includes a fraction of snow removal cost in my individual rent. Houses designed for wheelchair users are few and far between, and retrofitting to make them halfway accessible is very expensive. Apartment buildings designed and built to have elevators and wide hallways—maybe even, knock wood, wheelchair-accessible suites!—are much easier to find.)

And right now most multi-family residential projects are built and designed to be as profitable as possible, meaning either luxury condominiums, or cheaply-built rental units. Tenancy laws are mostly informed by what landlords need to be profitable. And as for how they’re run…

The biggest landowners have practically no contact with the properties they own. It would be logistically impossible. The “landlords” who collect the rent and repair broken toilets are usually caretakers employed by property management firms that are paid a monthly fee to cover the costs of their services, while the profits the building earns flow directly to the landowner. If their buildings are unprofitable—if they are too forgiving of tenants who can’t pay rent, or if they spend too much money on repairs or improvements—the management firm will fire the caretaker, or the owner will fire the management firm, and replace them with someone who’ll be willing to evict more and repair less.

There are several alternatives, from buildings owned by nonprofit housing societies or charities, to housing co-ops, to condominiums, that can make sure housing is run in ways more beneficial to the people who live in it. Though honestly, until we change mortgages and a debt-based economy and real estate law and banking regulations, we won’t be able to change some of the really brutal economics at the base of things.

I am especially wary of socialist proposals to nationalize land and create centralized authorities to assign housing, because uh… that’s been tried, guys. How did that go? So far as I can see, that’s how you get shitty apartment blocks built for ease of police surveillance, and better housing assignments used as, or being procured by, bribes. I notice the great critiquers don’t tend to turn their gazes to Soviet social housing or rural collectivization in the PRC to see what they’d do differently.

People need to quit fantasizing about “revolution” as though killing a bunch of people will fix the problem. We need an overturning, a reformation, a deep investigation into the whys and wherefores, the allocation of resources and the support of labour. We will need to change the deep structures and conventions of society as much as the shapes and sizes of our cities and countrysides.

So frankly, if you want to kill all landlords, you need to prove to me that your system will be any fucking better than what we’ve got going currently. And the best way you can do that is getting off your ass and caring about housing and rent control and social policy right fucking now.

communism tw class warfare kill all landlords discourse economics discourse get off your high horses you tankie shits and come wallow in the neoliberal muck with the rest of us we have shit to get done
yoursummerfrost
kaumnyakte

very cool how the gender binary in the emerging trad terf synthesis is like, there are two genders, the one that does bad things and the one that bad things are done to. the only thing in the world is immorality and it flows from unexperiencing agents to unacting experiencers.

kaumnyakte

which naturally appeals to people who would like to be perceived as inherently lacking the capacity for immorality. for whatever reason

chicago-geniza

anyway remember bell hooks’s very cogent critique of second-wave feminist organizing in ‘sisterhood: solidarity between women’ where she argues that by “bonding as ‘victims’, white women’s liberationists were not required to assume responsibility for confronting the complexity of their own experience … Identifying as ‘victims’, they could abdicate responsibility for their role in the maintenance and perpetuation of sexism, racism, and classism.” it’s not by accident that terf gender essentialism dovetails so much with other biological-determinist & essentialist assumptions including Extremely Racist Ones   

feminist discourse racism tw just read bell hooks you guys she's basically always worth it my problems with sj let me show you them
elodieunderglass

Why Smart People Believe Stupid Things

missmentelle

If you’ve been paying attention for the last couple of years, you might have noticed that the world has a bit of a misinformation problem. 

The problem isn’t just with the recent election conspiracies, either. The last couple of years has brought us the rise (and occasionally fall) of misinformation-based movements like:

  • Sandy Hook conspiracies
  • Gamergate
  • Pizzagate
  • The MRA/incel/MGTOW movements
  • anti-vaxxers
  • flat-earthers
  • the birther movement
  • the Illuminati 
  • climate change denial
  • Spygate
  • Holocaust denial 
  • COVID-19 denial 
  • 5G panic 
  • QAnon 

But why do people believe this stuff?

It would be easy - too easy - to say that people fall for this stuff because they’re stupid. We all want to believe that smart people like us are immune from being taken in by deranged conspiracies. But it’s just not that simple. People from all walks of life are going down these rabbit holes - people with degrees and professional careers and rich lives have fallen for these theories, leaving their loved ones baffled. Decades-long relationships have splintered this year, as the number of people flocking to these conspiracies out of nowhere reaches a fever pitch. 

So why do smart people start believing some incredibly stupid things? It’s because:

Our brains are built to identify patterns. 

Our brains fucking love puzzles and patterns. This is a well-known phenomenon called apophenia, and at one point, it was probably helpful for our survival - the prehistoric human who noticed patterns in things like animal migration, plant life cycles and the movement of the stars was probably a lot more likely to survive than the human who couldn’t figure out how to use natural clues to navigate or find food. 

The problem, though, is that we can’t really turn this off. Even when we’re presented with completely random data, we’ll see patterns. We see patterns in everything, even when there’s no pattern there. This is why people see Jesus in a burnt piece of toast or get superstitious about hockey playoffs or insist on always playing at a certain slot machine - our brains look for patterns in the constant barrage of random information in our daily lives, and insist that those patterns are really there, even when they’re completely imagined. 

A lot of conspiracy theories have their roots in people making connections between things that aren’t really connected. The belief that “vaccines cause autism” was bolstered by the fact that the first recognizable symptoms of autism happen to appear at roughly the same time that children receive one of their rounds of childhood immunizations - the two things are completely unconnected, but our brains have a hard time letting go of the pattern they see there. Likewise, many people were quick to latch on to the fact that early maps of COVID infections were extremely similar to maps of 5G coverage -  the fact that there’s a reasonable explanation for this (major cities are more likely to have both high COVID cases AND 5G networks) doesn’t change the fact that our brains just really, really want to see a connection there. 

Our brains love proportionality. 

Specifically, our brains like effects to be directly proportional to their causes - in other words, we like it when big events have big causes, and small causes only lead to small events. It’s uncomfortable for us when the reverse is true. And so anytime we feel like a “big” event (celebrity death, global pandemic, your precious child is diagnosed with autism) has a small or unsatisfying cause (car accident, pandemics just sort of happen every few decades, people just get autism sometimes), we sometimes feel the need to start looking around for the bigger, more sinister, “true” cause of that event. 

Consider, for instance, the attempted assassination of Pope John Paul II. In 1981, Pope John Paul II was shot four times by a Turkish member of a known Italian paramilitary secret society who’d recently escaped from prison - on the surface, it seems like the sort of thing conspiracy theorists salivate over, seeing how it was an actual multinational conspiracy. But they never had much interest in the assassination attempt. Why? Because the Pope didn’t die. He recovered from his injuries and went right back to Pope-ing. The event didn’t have a serious outcome, and so people are content with the idea that one extremist carried it out. The death of Princess Diana, however, has been fertile ground for conspiracy theories; even though a woman dying in a car accident is less weird than a man being shot four times by a paid political assassin, her death has attracted more conspiracy theories because it had a bigger outcome. A princess dying in a car accident doesn’t feel big enough. It’s unsatisfying. We want such a monumentous moment in history to have a bigger, more interesting cause. 

These theories prey on pre-existing fear and anger. 

Are you a terrified new parent who wants the best for their child and feels anxious about having them injected with a substance you don’t totally understand? Congrats, you’re a prime target for the anti-vaccine movement. Are you a young white male who doesn’t like seeing more and more games aimed at women and minorities, and is worried that “your” gaming culture is being stolen from you? You might have been very interested in something called Gamergate. Are you a right-wing white person who worries that “your” country and way of life is being stolen by immigrants, non-Christians and coastal liberals? You’re going to love the “all left-wingers are Satantic pedo baby-eaters” messaging of QAnon. 

Misinformation and conspiracy theories are often aimed strategically at the anxieties and fears that people are already experiencing. No one likes being told that their fears are insane or irrational; it’s not hard to see why people gravitate towards communities that say “yes, you were right all along, and everyone who told you that you were nuts to be worried about this is just a dumb sheep. We believe you, and we have evidence that you were right along, right here.” Fear is a powerful motivator, and you can make people believe and do some pretty extreme things if you just keep telling them “yes, that thing you’re afraid of is true, but also it’s way worse than you could have ever imagined.”

Real information is often complicated, hard to understand, and inherently unsatisfying. 

The information that comes from the scientific community is often very frustrating for a layperson; we want science to have hard-and-fast answers, but it doesn’t. The closest you get to a straight answer is often “it depends” or “we don’t know, but we think X might be likely”. Understanding the results of a scientific study with any confidence requires knowing about sampling practices, error types, effect sizes, confidence intervals and publishing biases. Even asking a simple question like “is X bad for my child” will usually get you a complicated, uncertain answer - in most cases, it really just depends. Not understanding complex topics makes people afraid - it makes it hard to trust that they’re being given the right information, and that they’re making the right choices. 

Conspiracy theories and misinformation, on the other hand, are often simple, and they are certain. Vaccines bad. Natural things good. 5G bad. Organic food good. The reason girls won’t date you isn’t a complex combination of your social skills, hygiene, appearance, projected values, personal circumstances, degree of extroversion, luck and life phase - girls won’t date you because feminism is bad, and if we got rid of feminism you’d have a girlfriend. The reason Donald Trump was an unpopular president wasn’t a complex combination of his public bigotry, lack of decorum, lack of qualifications, open incompetence, nepotism, corruption, loss of soft power, refusal to uphold the basic responsibilities of his position or his constant lying - they hated him because he was fighting a secret sex cult and they’re all in it. 

Instead of making you feel stupid because you’re overwhelmed with complex information, expert opinions and uncertain advice, conspiracy theories make you feel smart - smarter, in fact, than everyone who doesn’t believe in them. And that’s a powerful thing for people living in a credential-heavy world. 

Many conspiracy theories are unfalsifiable. 

It is very difficult to prove a negative. If I tell you, for instance, that there’s no such thing as a purple swan, it would be very difficult for me to actually prove that to you - I could spend the rest of my life photographing swans and looking for swans and talking to people who know a lot about swans, and yet the slim possibility would still exist that there was a purple swan out there somewhere that I just hadn’t found yet. That’s why, in most circumstances, the burden of proof lies with the person making the extraordinary claim - if you tell me that purple swans exist, we should continue to assume that they don’t until you actually produce a purple swan. 

Conspiracy theories, however, are built so that it’s nearly impossible to “prove” them wrong. Is there any proof that the world’s top-ranking politicians and celebrities are all in a giant child sex trafficking cult? No. But can you prove that they aren’t in a child sex-trafficking cult? No, not really. Even if I, again, spent the rest of my life investigating celebrities and following celebrities and talking to people who know celebrities, I still couldn’t definitely prove that this cult doesn’t exist - there’s always a chance that the specific celebrities I’ve investigated just aren’t in the cult (but other ones are!) or that they’re hiding evidence of the cult even better than we think. Lack of evidence for a conspiracy theory is always treated as more evidence for the theory - we can’t find anything because this goes even higher up than we think! They’re even more sophisticated at hiding this than we thought! People deeply entrenched in these theories don’t even realize that they are stuck in a circular loop where everything seems to prove their theory right - they just see a mountain of “evidence” for their side. 

Our brains are very attached to information that we “learned” by ourselves.

Learning accurate information is not a particularly interactive or exciting experience. An expert or reliable source just presents the information to you in its entirety, you read or watch the information, and that’s the end of it. You can look for more information or look for clarification of something, but it’s a one-way street - the information is just laid out for you, you take what you need, end of story. 

Conspiracy theories, on the other hand, almost never show their hand all at once. They drop little breadcrumbs of information that slowly lead you where they want you to go. This is why conspiracy theorists are forever telling you to “do your research” - they know that if they tell you everything at once, you won’t believe them. Instead, they want you to indoctrinate yourself slowly over time, by taking the little hints they give you and running off to find or invent evidence that matches that clue. If I tell you that celebrities often wear symbols that identify them as part of a cult and that you should “do your research” about it, you can absolutely find evidence that substantiates my claim - there are literally millions of photos of celebrities out there, and anyone who looks hard enough is guaranteed to find common shapes, poses and themes that might just mean something (they don’t - eyes and triangles are incredibly common design elements, and if I took enough pictures of you, I could also “prove” that you also clearly display symbols that signal you’re in the cult). 

The fact that you “found” the evidence on your own, however, makes it more meaningful to you. We trust ourselves, and we trust that the patterns we uncover by ourselves are true. It doesn’t feel like you’re being fed misinformation - it feels like you’ve discovered an important truth that “they” didn’t want you to find, and you’ll hang onto that for dear life. 

Older people have not learned to be media-literate in a digital world. 

Fifty years ago, not just anyone could access popular media. All of this stuff had a huge barrier to entry - if you wanted to be on TV or be in the papers or have a radio show, you had to be a professional affiliated with a major media brand. Consumers didn’t have easy access to niche communities or alternative information - your sources of information were basically your local paper, the nightly news, and your morning radio show, and they all more or less agreed on the same set of facts. For decades, if it looked official and it appeared in print, you could probably trust that it was true. 

Of course, we live in a very different world today - today, any asshole can accumulate an audience of millions, even if they have no credentials and nothing they say is actually true (like “The Food Babe”, a blogger with no credentials in medicine, nutrition, health sciences, biology or chemistry who peddles health misinformation to the 3 million people who visit her blog every month). It’s very tough for older people (and some younger people) to get their heads around the fact that it’s very easy to create an “official-looking” news source, and that they can’t necessarily trust everything they find on the internet. When you combine that with a tendency toward “clickbait headlines” that often misrepresent the information in the article, you have a generation struggling to determine who they can trust in a media landscape that doesn’t at all resemble the media landscape they once knew. 

These beliefs become a part of someone’s identity. 

A person doesn’t tell you that they believe in anti-vaxx information - they tell you that they ARE an anti-vaxxer. Likewise, people will tell you that they ARE a flat-earther, a birther, or a Gamergater. By design, these beliefs are not meant to be something you have a casual relationship with, like your opinion of pizza toppings or how much you trust local weather forecasts - they are meant to form a core part of your identity. 

And once something becomes a core part of your identity, trying to make you stop believing it becomes almost impossible. Once we’ve formed an initial impression of something, facts just don’t change our minds. If you identify as an antivaxxer and I present evidence that disproves your beliefs, in your mind, I’m not correcting inaccurate information - I am launching a very personal attack against a core part of who you are. In fact, the more evidence I present, the more you will burrow down into your antivaxx beliefs, more confident than ever that you are right. Admitting that you are wrong about something that is important to you is painful, and your brain would prefer to simply deflect conflicting information rather than subject you to that pain.

We can see this at work with something called the confirmation bias. Simply put, once we believe something, our brains hold on to all evidence that that belief is true, and ignore evidence that it’s false. If I show you 100 articles that disprove your pet theory and 3 articles that confirm it, you’ll cling to those 3 articles and forget about the rest. Even if I show you nothing but articles that disprove your theory, you’ll likely go through them and pick out any ambiguous or conflicting information as evidence for “your side”, even if the conclusion of the article shows that you are wrong - our brains simply care about feeling right more than they care about what is actually true.  

There is a strong community aspect to these theories. 

There is no one quite as supportive or as understanding as a conspiracy theorist - provided, of course, that you believe in the same conspiracy theories that they do. People who start looking into these conspiracy theories are told that they aren’t crazy, and that their fears are totally valid. They’re told that the people in their lives who doubted them were just brainwashed sheep, but that they’ve finally found a community of people who get where they’re coming from. Whenever they report back to the group with the “evidence” they’ve found or the new elaborations on the conspiracy theory that they’ve been thinking of (“what if it’s even worse than we thought??”), they are given praise for their valuable contributions. These conspiracy groups often become important parts of people’s social networks - they can spend hours every day talking with like-minded people from these communities and sharing their ideas. 

Of course, the flipside of this is that anyone who starts to doubt or move away from the conspiracy immediately loses that community and social support. People who have broken away from antivaxx and QAnon often say that the hardest part of leaving was losing the community and friendships they’d built - not necessarily giving up on the theory itself. Many people are rejected by their real-life friends and family once they start to get entrenched in conspiracy theories; the friendships they build online in the course of researching these theories often become the only social supports they have left, and losing those supports means having no one to turn to at all. This is by design - the threat of losing your community has kept people trapped in abusive religious sects and cults for as long as those things have existed. 

long post conspiracy theory tw qanon tw pizzagate tw
grison-in-space
vegan-and-sara

Since a lot of folks on Tumblr like to write, a really slept on form of activism is writing letters to the editor of your local newspaper and pitching opinion pieces. I see posts from folks on here all the time that could totally be adapted into short LTEs or even full op-eds.

These can be written for any issue, but if you're interested in doing this for climate action, the Citizens' Climate Lobby has a great tool that will find all of your local (US) newspapers and allow you to easily send LTEs to as many as you'd like with only a couple of clicks. (The tool says to write about the Energy Innovation Act but really they're happy to have you write about anything). The tool doesn't work outside of the US unfortunately, but most newspapers will list an email address on their website which you can send LTEs to directly.

Here is a simple outline and example of how to write an LTE, which only needs to be about 200 words or fewer:

  1. Reference something in the news or a specific part of a news story from your local paper.
  2. Transition into how that news relates to climate change.
  3. Identify a solution.
  4. Present a call to action.
  5. Optional tip: consider including the names of senators or members of congress. Politicians usually have staff who search media for references to them, and "tagging" them like this helps put your issues on their radar.
image

And that's it! You can talk about any problem or solution you're passionate about, whether it's carbon pricing, EV vehicles, reducing flights, plant-based food systems, or anything else, and they're supposed to be super short so you don't have to worry about knowing all the details or citing specifics or anything stressful. But feel free to spice it up beyond this basic outline as well. Watch CCL's video on writing effective LTEs here for more guidance.

Whether or not your LTE gets published, encouraging media coverage of climate action matters. Climate change is critically under-reported, and just showing your newspaper that their readers care about environmental issues is a meaningful form of activism.

chucktaylorupset
mikkeneko

here’s a thought to try on for size:

it is actually fine for someone’s activism to focus primarily, if not exclusively, on one area, one demographic, or one problem. in fact, that is how most actual progress gets made: by people dedicating years of their lives to making changes in one specific area at a time. “why are you focusing on saving the whales and not the rainforest” is a derailment that leaves activists burned out and ineffective. 

your politics should be intersectional, yes! you should listen to the concerns of all affected groups when deciding which policy to push forward, yes! but you cannot tackle every injustice and institution on earth, with equal passion, simultaneously. that’s too many battles. put some back.

“you can care about more than one thing at a time” very true, but also consider: you can care about many things and still choose to make one area of action your primary focus. most successful activists do. it doesn’t make the person fighting against amazon deforestation a hypocrite or a failure or a bad person that they are not, simultaneously, devoting all their time and energy to whale repopulation efforts

my problems with sj let me show you them
glorious-spoon
glorious-spoon

“Everybody agrees we need to shame straight women for reading queer fanfiction, but–”

No. No, we literally do not need to do that. It helps no one, homophobes don’t care, people exploring their sexualities and genders will retreat back into the closet, queer people will be pressured to out themselves, there is no version of this that doesn’t do massive disproportionate splash damage to queer and questioning people, and moreover it hurts literally no one to let straight people read and/or fap to smutty queer fanfic in peace as long as they aren’t shits to actual queer people.

Just stop, for the love of Christ.

lgbt discourse
starsunderfog
fucktoyfelix

daily reminder that ‘porn addiction’ is a myth perpetuated by far right evangelical groups.

As long as your porn consumption is not interfering with your work or social life, it’s considered normal.

Actual psychology research shows that people who identify as ‘porn addicts’ don’t actually consume more porn than average. What do they have in common? They were raised to view sex as shameful.

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2020-04888-001

brettdoesdiscourse

It’s also commonly used as a way to avoid taking responsibility. The number of men I’ve seen saying “porn MADE me misogynistic, porn MADE me dehumanize women, porn MADE me see women as objects, porn MADE me sexually harass women.”

On the flip side, I’ve also seen women blaming porn for the same reason. Instead of. You know. Misogynistic, dehumanizing abusers.

Porn is often used as the scapegoat for a lot of problems in our world, I’ve often thought it’s the equivalent of people saying video games causes mass shootings and a rise in violence.

There’s also a good bit of evidence and studies saying an availability to porn (as well as prostitution) has shown a link to decreased sexual violence.

Experimental research randomly assigned and exposed men to violent pornography, nonviolent pornography and nonpornographic media, and measured their attitudes toward women or about sexually aggressive behavior by having them complete a questionnaire afterward. Men also participated in laboratory studies that tested their aggressive behavior towards women.

Neither correlational nor experimental studies provided evidence that supported concerns about pornography.

At the population level, studies explored the relationship between pornography consumers and sexual violence, and found that an increase in available pornography reduced sexual aggression.

catgirl-meatworldism

i’m just glad these kinds of myths only exist among far right evangelicals like could you imagine how pathetic it would be if leftists thought certain kinds of porn could taint your mind making you inevitably become some sort of awful abuser? but surely nobody would believe such a thing and ostracize people for that kind of stuff while also regularly spreading around posts like this lol

pornography tw fandom purity culture the sex addiction myth sexual assault tw csa tw
grison-in-space
natalieironside

I figured out the secret life hack that the ableds don’t want you to know about.

My fellow chronic pain and limited mobility bitches, if you’re looking for ways stay active and get some exercise while working around your issues instead of against them, look up “[Thing you want to do] for seniors.”

feralthembo

Before i learned i have fight or flight bones i always said i had old people bones and yknow somehow i never thought of this

natalieironside

I’ve been trying to keep my core muscles toned enough to stop my skeleton from completely falling apart for years and I only figured this one out like yesterday

grison-in-space

Bonus: the local YMCA often has gentle fitness courses designed for seniors to keep fit, and my experience is that if you are the one young person gamely showing up and being friendly, you will immediately be adopted and get to give advice on what the Youngs think even if you are like thirty two.

Plus water aerobics is literally the most fun physical exercise I’ve ever done and the coaches give you instructions tailored to your body’s actual abilities, not the abilities of some way more athletic kid, and no one gives a shit if you show up in wildly gender variant swim shit.

star-anise

Going to a “gentle water exercise” course was a major part of my journey towards exercise that actually benefited me. I find that instructors who came from the “fitness” world and just added it as an additional class on their schedule were not nearly as useful as ones who came from the “rehab” world and were very aware of how exercises could injure people with different conditions.

The other early stepping stone for me was Restorative Yoga, in a studio that actively discouraged competition and pushing your body too far. It was a shock to go to Restorative classes elsewhere and be asked to do a headstand or back bridge with no alternatives. At the studio I learned the most at, sometimes I would just fall asleep during class, and the instructor would gently wake me up when it was time to go. She understood it wasn’t lack of respect, it was me giving my body what it needed.

once-a-polecat
catchymemes

image
star-anise

Me @ my ADHD clients: What if........... we DIDN’T do this.........

applyjuicee

I'm,,,,, having a hard time getting out of this mindset so do you have any tips on not doing this? 😅

star-anise

Feather has some good initial thoughts. Tied in with that, I have one tip on what NOT to rely on:

  • Anger, fear, and frustration. People who struggle with executive function (as in, doing something on time) spend so long pressing this button long after it’s ceased functioning for a very good reason: It USED to work! It SOMETIMES works! It’s the technique How to ADHD calls “Hulk Smashing through the Wall of Awful”.

    Hoooowever. As well as the downsides How to ADHD mentions (that it damages your relationships and self-esteem), building up enough adrenaline to get something done is extremely costly to your body--when you invoke the body’s stress response, you’re diverting a lot of resources from normal healthy processing--and it gets less useful the more you use it. Your body loses its sensitivity to that level of stress and you need ever-increasing amounts of anger and fear and frustration and self-hatred to motivate yourself. If you use this method enough, you can eventually become completely desensitized to these emotions, and literally no amount of them will motivate you, and it can take months or years of low-stress living before your brain will begin to respond to them again.

I hit that point somewhere around year four of a 2-year Master’s degree program. It was Not Fun. (I just had a dream last night that I had to go back to Vancouver to finish an assignment I’d left undone or they’d take away my license to practice. I graduated half a decade ago.) 

So one thing that works for me is to think in terms of what we know about optimal productive experience, a concept in psychology called Flow:

image

Flow means hitting the sweet spot of something challenging and interesting enough that you want to do it, and that you feel you have the skills and ability to do.

So if you want to be able to do something, you need to adjust the parameters of that task to make it either easier, more challenging, more interesting, or less overwhelming, until you feel capable of doing it.

For people locked up in the realm of anxiety, that often means cutting your workload until it actually feels manageable--lowering your standards or decreasing the amount you’re expected to take on until you can start. Often once you’ve started, you feel more capable and can up the challenge level again, but it can be important to give yourself an on-ramp.

On the other hand, it may involve increasing the skills you bring to bear. You can cast around for any related skills, anything that it feels like you do easily or well, to help you out, or even just remind yourself that you’ve been skilled enough in the past to help your confidence.

If what you’re dealing with instead is apathy or boredom, then you may need to make something more of a challenge or more intrinsically interesting, until you have a reason to want to do it. This is why gamification of basic tasks, like Habitica, can be so successful.

Other than that... I have an executive dysfunction tag, How to ADHD has a video on overcoming the wall of awful, and ADDitude mag has a whole ton of stuff!

once-a-polecat

For me personally the idea of needing to be in a flow state to get things done is terrifying. For me, flow = hyperfocus and I can not trigger that at will. (Also, it has knock-on negative effects on my day/life.). The idea of adjusting parameters to bring tasks back into the realm of possible is useful. But needing to pursue a flow state or potato and I end up living the life of potato.

star-anise

I’ve been thinking about this reply all day, about the difference between flow and hyperfocus, and what to aim for. About what “executive function” actually is.

For me, the goal I strive for is being able to reflect on how I feel about an experience and think, “Is this what I want to be doing? Do I like the way I’m doing it? Am I forgetting anything? Where will I go next?

That’s moments like tonight when I was in a grocery store, distracted by the bulk nuts aisle, then realizing, "I don’t need this. I’m being distracted.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and reminded myself I didn’t have to decide which type of nut was better or cheaper; trying to calculate that was overwhelming me when I needed to calm down and focus on my goals. I could remind myself of my budget, look at the cart and judge that it was already going to be heavy to carry home without adding more stuff, and called up my shopping list in the phone so I could walk away from the nuts and buy the one thing I needed before checking out. That’s… not the kind of thing I was really capable of when I first went on ADHD meds.

Hyperfocus is just the flipside of inattention. It’s still about being out of touch with the world as it’s happening around you, and not aware of your own functioning or able to question or change how your attention is spent.

Flow, meanwhile… can mean figuring out that everything else is overwhelming, but you can bring your empty dishes to the kitchen. That today is going to be a potato day, so it might be time to stop doomscrolling through Twitter and pull out that new book you haven’t read yet. It’s just… finding a way to connect to where you are and what’s going on around you, and being able to actually engage with it.

“Executive function” is the ability to be aware of what’s around you and what your priorities are. It’s the ability to make decisions about how to get where you want to go, and then follow through on them. That’s the basic ability people with ADHD struggle with, and therefore the thing we try to use strategies and coping skills and medications to try to replace. Which is hard, because for everyone with ADHD, the cockpit of your brain will look very different and the “go” button will always be in a different place. The most important thing is getting to know your brain and what makes it tick.

publiusmaximus

sleepdepravity asked:

I recently saw your post about lgbt+ language with the history of queer and stuff, and is the phrase “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” also a result of a response towards those radical lesbians you were talking about, as well as society as a whole? I have no idea how or where I even saw that phrase and I don’t even think I’ve seen or heard it in over a decade, but it has that prolific sort of protest-y feeling and I’m curious

star-anise answered:

Ah, no. That one’s not from conflict within the LGBTQ+ world, it’s from our struggle with the world around us. It’s the battle cry of a community trying to convince the world around them that LGBTQ+ people were:

  • A real and non-trivial part of the population, and could not be made to disappear
  • Human beings who deserved to live, even if they kept participating in “the homosexual lifestyle”
  • Dying at horrific rates of a disease nobody understood or had treatments for, and
  • Going to fight like HELL for their survival.

On a previous post of mine people got talking about the AIDS crisis, and the contributions made it better than anything I could do alone. I think it’s very worth reading. But one thing I want to highlight is:

The Die-In. It was a tactic ACT UP (the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power) used in the late 1980s and early 1990s to push AIDS into the public consciousness. Activists would rush into a public place like a traffic intersection, a busy train station, or the entrance to a government building, and “die”, laying down and bringing things to a grinding halt. They held up signs and tombstones airing their grievances; they chanted slogans aimed to bring about the very particular political point they wanted to drive forward.

image

[Image description: ACT UP protesters outside the FDA headquarters in Rockville, Maryland on October 11, 1988. They demanded the release of experimental medication for those living with HIV/AIDS with slogans reading: ‘Never Had A Chance.’ 'I Got the Placebo’ and 'I Died for the Sins of the FDA.’ Source. End image description.]

AIDS deaths involved so much stigma and isolation. Fear of contamination meant that hospitals were reluctant to treat patients with HIV/AIDS, medical staff hesitant to touch them, and ordinary people afraid of so much as using the same toilet seat or water fountain as them.

And then, like the post I reblogged a couple days ago, severe illness and death meant that many people’s estranged families suddenly re-entered their lives, because they were often the only ones with the legal rights to visit them in hospital or dispose of their effects, and wanted to hush up their queerness. Bury trans people under their deadnames, write obituaries of gays and lesbians that failed to mention their significant others or cause of death.

So that’s… the context in which Queer Nation arose, and the environment in which “queer” was reclaimed. “Queer” was useful because it was inclusive and easy to put in a chant, and also because straight people did use it as a pejorative.

Mainstream liberals would literaly argue that sure, they guessed gay people had the right to exist, but did they have to be so blatant about it? Did they have to be such fucking queers? And sure, AIDS was terrible, but those activists were so unpleasant, and anyway, it’s a totally preventable disease: Just don’t have gay sex ever! Problem solved! (Spoiler: Gay people will not stop being gay; nobody deserves to die for having sex; and straight people can get HIV too.)

So ACT UP also staged “kiss-ins”, which also involved occupying a public space, but this time to prove that people can be gay in public and the world will not end and society will just have to DEAL with its inherent disgust or moral outrage or whatever.

That’s where the chant came from. It’s stepping out defiantly into public space in a marginalized position, and warning the world that we are not going away. We refuse to go away. If, as many claimed, God himself designed AIDS as a punishment for the sin of homosexuality, and meant it to wipe gays from the face of the Earth? He must feel pretty sheepish right now, because it didn’t work.

We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it.

publiusmaximus

As someone who grew up in San Francisco in the 1980s (and had at least one family member die of AIDS), the chant was "we're here, we're queer, we're not going away, get used to it."

that sent CHILLS UP MY SPINE writing about queer history is an honest-to-god spiritual practice for me saints and martyrs don't do much for me anymore the brilliant defiance and courage of the community that changed the world all of the people who died the fact that the great life-and-death struggle for justice and freedom and pleasure and freedom from overwhelming pain was not fought with guns or tanks or missiles it was fought... with this it was fought with tense meetings in rented rooms and support groups in church basements it was fought with sex educators making rooms full of people put condoms on bananas it was fought with savage performance art and scientific analysis the story of how we became a community and made this future possible hums in my bones like a miracle from God because everyone was scared everyone was angry the public didn't love them and they didn't get to be celebrated as heroes but even if you're small and ashamed and nobody likes you stand up for yourself work to say who you are and find people who get you and tell the world: you move. I'm not gonna from Heaven to the glory holes glorious and free
ladivvinatravestia
neurodivergent-noodle

oh and by the way.

“men are evil” and “masculinity is bad” is just the new way of saying that “boys will be boys”.

not only is masculinity not evil, it also gives a get out of jail free card for men who behave badly. it gives them an opportunity to say “oh I’m just a guy, can’t help it”.

nope. men aren’t evil. and the ones that are bad shouldn’t be able to get out of it because they “can’t help it”.

feminist discourse gender essentialism tw

sleepdepravity asked:

I recently saw your post about lgbt+ language with the history of queer and stuff, and is the phrase “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” also a result of a response towards those radical lesbians you were talking about, as well as society as a whole? I have no idea how or where I even saw that phrase and I don’t even think I’ve seen or heard it in over a decade, but it has that prolific sort of protest-y feeling and I’m curious

Ah, no. That one’s not from conflict within the LGBTQ+ world, it’s from our struggle with the world around us. It’s the battle cry of a community trying to convince the world around them that LGBTQ+ people were:

  • A real and non-trivial part of the population, and could not be made to disappear
  • Human beings who deserved to live, even if they kept participating in “the homosexual lifestyle”
  • Dying at horrific rates of a disease nobody understood or had treatments for, and
  • Going to fight like HELL for their survival.

On a previous post of mine people got talking about the AIDS crisis, and the contributions made it better than anything I could do alone. I think it’s very worth reading. But one thing I want to highlight is:

The Die-In. It was a tactic ACT UP (the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power) used in the late 1980s and early 1990s to push AIDS into the public consciousness. Activists would rush into a public place like a traffic intersection, a busy train station, or the entrance to a government building, and “die”, laying down and bringing things to a grinding halt. They held up signs and tombstones airing their grievances; they chanted slogans aimed to bring about the very particular political point they wanted to drive forward.

image

[Image description: ACT UP protesters outside the FDA headquarters in Rockville, Maryland on October 11, 1988. They demanded the release of experimental medication for those living with HIV/AIDS with slogans reading: ‘Never Had A Chance.’ 'I Got the Placebo’ and 'I Died for the Sins of the FDA.’ Source. End image description.]

AIDS deaths involved so much stigma and isolation. Fear of contamination meant that hospitals were reluctant to treat patients with HIV/AIDS, medical staff hesitant to touch them, and ordinary people afraid of so much as using the same toilet seat or water fountain as them.

And then, like the post I reblogged a couple days ago, severe illness and death meant that many people’s estranged families suddenly re-entered their lives, because they were often the only ones with the legal rights to visit them in hospital or dispose of their effects, and wanted to hush up their queerness. Bury trans people under their deadnames, write obituaries of gays and lesbians that failed to mention their significant others or cause of death.

So that’s… the context in which Queer Nation arose, and the environment in which “queer” was reclaimed. “Queer” was useful because it was inclusive and easy to put in a chant, and also because straight people did use it as a pejorative.

Mainstream liberals would literaly argue that sure, they guessed gay people had the right to exist, but did they have to be so blatant about it? Did they have to be such fucking queers? And sure, AIDS was terrible, but those activists were so unpleasant, and anyway, it’s a totally preventable disease: Just don’t have gay sex ever! Problem solved! (Spoiler: Gay people will not stop being gay; nobody deserves to die for having sex; and straight people can get HIV too.)

So ACT UP also staged “kiss-ins”, which also involved occupying a public space, but this time to prove that people can be gay in public and the world will not end and society will just have to DEAL with its inherent disgust or moral outrage or whatever.

That’s where the chant came from. It’s stepping out defiantly into public space in a marginalized position, and warning the world that we are not going away. We refuse to go away. If, as many claimed, God himself designed AIDS as a punishment for the sin of homosexuality, and meant it to wipe gays from the face of the Earth? He must feel pretty sheepish right now, because it didn’t work.

We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it.

lgbt discourse queering lgbt aids crisis tw staranise original
everbright-mourning
klatchshy

Favreau really said that Luke Fucking Skywalker is a baby snatcher. The ONE GUY who has never given a single blessed fuck about the jedi attachment rules. He would STEAL A BABY without bothering to leave a name or number to keep in touch with the baby’s dad.

withercrown

This post is interesting because it perfectly encapsulates a huge misunderstanding that fandom has had about the nature of Din and Grogu’s familial relationship and the events that happened in the last episode. Din is not Grogu’s adoptive parent; he is a foster parent. And the fact that I never, ever hear the fandom refer to Din as a foster father is actually something that makes me feel really sad, because it’s such a wonderful demonstration of Din’s character: namely, his selflessness, his devotion to his creed, and his strength.

I was a foundling.

When Din tries to give Grogu to Omera, to Ahsoka, and even presumably to Boba (if only for a hot minute there), there is no sense that Din is expecting to ever get Grogu back. There is no expectation. This mirrors real-life scenarios with real-life foster parents. Most children who are waiting to be adopted will be placed in a foster home, and when it is time to be adopted, that relationship is going to be ultimately severed with those temporary caretakers.

In many cases, the adoptive parents will maintain distance from the foster family in order to help prevent confusion or pain for very young child. And even while contact may be kept for a time, it will often not be lifelong and will taper away as the years go by.

Traveling with me… that’s no life for a kid.

The stress of being a foster parent is enormous. Despite what media often depicts foster homes as being commonly emotionally or physically abusive (which is itself a disgusting representation that I’m not going to get into), foster families of today are vetted thoroughly and provide displaced children with a stable and kind environment. Even when an adoptive family is found, adoption can take months to years, and a foster family provides a child some kind of normalcy until they are ultimately adopted.

You must go. A foundling is in your care. By creed, until it is of age or reunited with its own kind, you are as its father. This is the Way.

I feel like Din’s status as foster parent is one of the most inspiring elements of his character. He suffered so much, despite knowing what he would be giving up. When Luke comes to their rescue at the end, the goodbye between Grogu and Din is bittersweet… but ultimately both Grogu and Din demonstrate that they always understood the temporary nature of their relationship.

I’ve seen him do things I can’t explain. My task was to bring him to a Jedi.

One thing to consider is that children awaiting adoption are commonly placed with people of their own race and culture, wherever possible. I feel like this is much the same with Grogu himself, who is able to communicate with Luke and Ahsoka, but not with Din. In a way, it’s like fostering a child who speaks a different language from you. When the episode with Ahsoka revealed that Grogu could communicate, I found myself wondering at how isolated he must have felt to be without other Jedi for so long. I feel like it mirrors Din’s feelings of isolation without his covert to return home to. They are both torn away from people who share their respective cultures, customs, and languages.

Then Grogu may choose his path. If he reaches out through the Force, there’s a chance a Jedi may sense his presence and come searching for him.

The show made no secret that a huge element to why Din gave Grogu up was that he could not understand Grogu’s powers, and Din fell ill-prepared to deal with a culture so separate and removed from his own. Potentially, yes, Din could raise Grogu as a Mandalorian. But in doing so, Din would be robbing Grogu of his culture of birth. Given how deeply Din feels about such things, I am not surprised that he ultimately decided to give Grogu up.

He wants your permission. He is strong with the Force, but talent without training is nothing. I will give my life to protect the Child.

One final thing to note, and something that specific to Grogu but sadly often doesn’t happen to foster children in real life: Grogu was given a choice. Din could have chosen to keep him. He could have chosen to tell Luke to leave. But he didn’t. When Grogu left, he walked to Luke of his own volition. He chose to reach out through the Force to find him.

Grogu had agency in this situation, which I also think was also a brilliant show of how mature Grogu was, despite what one might think at first glance, and how alone he must have been without anyone to hear his voice.

image
star wars the mandalorian din and grogu foster parenting matters it's not just Adoption Lite
megpie71
star-anise

I'm having a weird month and finding it increasingly hard to disentangle modern narratives about bodies, lifestyle, health, and diet from medieval Christian versions of the same. It's all melting and turning to soup inside my brain.


  • Which Hairshirt is Best? Our Experts Weigh In.

Wow! You Won't Believe This Man's Incredible Penitential Routine

  • Turn those old pilgrimage badges into a cute craft!

Dry Lent Doesn't Have to Be Dull: 11 Tasty Vegan Treats

  • Sun, Sand, and Salvation: One Woman's Amazing Pilgrimage Story
megpie71

For anyone reading along who hasn’t worked this out already, this is because they’re all coming from the same place: a deep and abiding taboo on physical pleasure which got tangled up with and in Christianity good and hard good and early in the history of the religion, and hasn’t yet been unpicked.  Basically, if your body likes it, it must be sinful - and therefore you’re not allowed to do it unless you approach it in the properly penitential mind-set.

This is, incidentally, where modern sex-negativity, fat-phobia, “health” culture and capitalism all draw from - the core idea that you are not put on this planet to enjoy yourself, but rather to suffer in pursuit of spiritual salvation.

star-anise

It’s the asceticism. The idea that by denying yourself sensual pleasures, you can achieve spiritual goals.

And yes, on some levels, being able to prioritize theoretical or moral good above personal wants is extremely important. It’s important to save some food for winter instead of eating it all now, or to let someone else have something you like because they need it more.

But asceticism often ends up not being about the theoretical good your self-denial will achieve, but about the self-denial being good in itself. It is more moral to eat a restricted diet than a permissive one.

I was taught that exercise has to be painful, and so it always was for me. I’ve been trying to teach myself how to ask things of my body without punishing it.

Gym teachers always said, “Keep up that stretch until you can really feel it,” so I always pulled on my arms and legs until my muscles started to screech and contract in horror, and I’d finish a “warmup stretch” tenser than I began it.

We were told, “No pain, no gain,” and taught how the right amount of exercise creates tiny tears in your muscles and aches the next day, but that’s how your muscles grow stronger. I wanted to be good and strong and moral and get an A in gym, so I had a specific bush I’d hide behind during cross-country runs to cry.

It was halfway through the 2km route. I’d drop to the ground and massage a knee that felt like it was on fire, calf and hip muscles that were solid as rock and tender to the touch. I used that bush because if I stopped out in the open, the gym teacher would come back from her 7k run and tell me to get up and keep going when I was still in agony. She would dismiss the gym class early on those days, but only if everyone was in from their runs, so before I turned the last corner I stopped to wipe the tears and snot off my face, so I could face the stares of a gym full of people who’d been irritatedly waiting for me for the last 20 minutes.

I thought I’d done so good, even if I didn’t get the results I wanted. I’d had the right attitude.

I’ve had to teach myself how to adjust every exercise I do around the abnormalities in my skeleton. To recognize which parts of my everyday pain are unusual and medically worrying, and to figure out when I might be damaging my joints or overstressing my immune system. To relax inside of a yoga pose instead of straining every muscle in my body towards it. To stretch within my body’s limitations instead of beyond them. To pace myself in my exercise, understanding that “110% effort” isn’t a reasonable expectation, especially not when you’re disabled.

And also

There’s an element of asceticism that disdains vanity, pride, and avarice. Of classic discourses about women that say the worst thing you can be is a vain, silly, coquettish, capricious, demanding, greedy, decorative, useless, dependent, attention-seeking trollop. Church fathers and radical feminism both agree: Whatever you do, don’t be like her.

So what I learned was to be the opposite of that. Don’t ever want to be pretty or try for it; accept that people will judge you on your looks and find you wanting. Don’t ever want to be liked or respected; don’t be angry when people treat you badly; don’t ever demand things of other people for something so selfish as your little ego. Don’t chase after boys or think you’ll ever be able to expect one to take care of you emotionally.

I tried to live by those rules, and for my pains, I got… royally fucked up in ways that are still affecting me 20 years later.

So I’ve been trying to navigate a world that wants to tell me, every time I turn around, how good and right and healthy it is to deny myself things. Building elevators chide me for not taking the stairs. Financial advisors admonish me to give up the $5 latte I apparently drink every day. Billboards tell me how happy I’d be if I gave up every food except some new juice cleanse. “Pain management” clinics insist I’d be in less pain if I learned to embrace it.

I’ve embraced the pain for so long, I don’t know what my life would turn into if I finally pried all my fingers off of it.

catholicism tw disordered eating tw self-injury tw ableism tw long post

I’m having a weird month and finding it increasingly hard to disentangle modern narratives about bodies, lifestyle, health, and diet from medieval Christian versions of the same. It’s all melting and turning to soup inside my brain.


  • Which Hairshirt is Best? Our Experts Weigh In.

Wow! You Won’t Believe This Man’s Incredible Penitential Routine

  • Turn those old pilgrimage badges into a cute craft!

Dry Lent Doesn’t Have to Be Dull: 11 Tasty Vegan Treats

  • Sun, Sand, and Salvation: One Woman’s Amazing Pilgrimage Story
staranise original christianity tw catholicism tw disordered eating tw self injury tw medievalism